Not Me Monday

Long ago, in a frozen and windy land, a person named MckMama decided to throw a large blog party.  The purpose of the party was to help those who participated have a chance to be honest, telling about those things that they might otherwise try to hide.  In sharing, there was a decrease in guilty feelings and an instant and significant increase in laughter.

So, in honor of this weeks Not Me Monday, here I go.

In the last week, the following things most certainly did not* happen.

I did not spend the entire day Tuesday with the best friend a person could ever ask for, and that best friend's mother.  The purpose of the trip was not to drive a couple hours to see a specialist regarding a not good at all diagnosis, and to receive less-than-good news about her progress (or lack there of).  But if I did do that, I would want you to pray with everything you've got for my friend, Elizabeth.  Specifically, I would want you to pray that medication would begin to be effective, and that the damage to her vision would somehow be reversed.

On that same imaginary trip, I starved.  I did not accompany them to an extraordinarily delicious Mongolian grill, wherein people are allowed to compile their own choice of ingredients, and then surrender them to the "Grill Warriors" who proceed to make steaming hot plates of whatever you want and present them to you straight off the grill.  I did not fail to believe my friend when she said it was really easy to load so much onto a plate that you could only eat one or two at most.  And I did not end up leaving half of my second plate, on the plate.  I haven't been trying to find an excuse to go back ever since, either.

Since I'm on a roll with this imaginary trip I took... after dinner, my friend and I and her mother did not find ourselves at a well known department store, trying out the display beds.  By laying on them.  We did not discover that some refrigerators have "MEAT FISH STORAGE" drawers and find it hilarious.  We did not laugh until tears came out of our eyes as we tried to come with a way to ask why do you have AC adapters inside your display dresser, and what exactly do the DO for said dresser, since we knew we couldn't ask it with a straight face.  We did not marvel at treadmills, we did not sit in lawn chairs, we did not spend 30 minutes in a tiny kitchen store mocking some of the more... unusual devices.  We did not laugh and smile and enjoy our time far more than seems possible on a trip of that location.

Not me.  Not them.  Not us.

I did not work at a Samurai Sword Show for four days.  And while in the car on the way to the show I did not work at, I did not make a phone call to the biggest, most popular news station in that area to inquire whether or not they would be present to do a news piece on the show.  When the man answered, I did not say "Hi, my name is Jenn, and I am calling to see if you will be sending any reporters over to the Schlamurai Swow Shord," or something very similar.  I did not hear the jumble of words and lose the ability to speak while I laughed to myself.  And the reporter who had taken my call did not fall silent for a solid five seconds, and then crack up laughing so hard I suspect he had to lean on something for support just to keep from falling over, and gasp out "Ma'am, I am sorry.  Could you please repeat what you just asked me?  And then tell me what you meant to ask me?"  It did not strike me as so funny that for the rest of the weekend, all I needed was a little reminder and I would laugh until my entire BODY was bright red.  No, not me.  Because I never mix bits and pieces of words together to form various other words.

I also did not consume "schlockett" or blow "Blubblows" as a young child.

I did not consider the idea that I was truly losing my mind as I stood on the 12th floor of the convention center, noticing the floor pulsating and moving beneath my feet and hearing the sounds of loons drifting down the highway.  And I was not relieved when I realized everyone could feel the moving floor, nor was a relieved when I realized that the PA system was responsible for the loon sounds.   All day and all night.  Every day.  And every night.

I did not find it disproportionately funny to be working at a SWORD SHOW, where there really were sharp, shiny, big Samurai swords everywhere, while in the lobby, a large group was meeting to celebrate the beauty of organ donation and get more people to commit to it.  Because asking someone to donate organs while surrounded by signs announcing the presence of hundreds, maybe thousands, of swords and people of the sort that actually enjoy collecting these swords, is not ironic.  Or funny.

I did not know yesterday that I really was starting to feel crummy and I did not wake up this morning with a fever and tonsils swollen so much that they are squished together and glands so sore and swollen that I can't turn my head.  And doing so, and cancelling all plans for the day in order to stay wrapped in a blanket and not move, did not make me wonder what nurses think when you call and cancel a bone scan because you feel too crummy to come in and get tested to see if the bone in your leg is infected.

Lastly, I am not struggling to find things to share for Not Me Monday, because I haven't gotten out of the habit and I also have not had more stress than laughter recently.

*By did not I actually mean they really did.  Just to clarify.  There are probably witnesses willing to testify that all these things that did not happen, actually did happen. 

Not Me Monday

In light of the new "Not Me Monday" banner, I am writing a new "Not Me Monday" introduction for my blog.

I'm distinctly lacking in inspiration tonight, though, so you'll have to wait until next Monday to read it. Which leads me into the "meat" of this post.

I would never simply direct my readers to head over to MckMama's blog for an explanation of what "Not Me Monday" is really about, instead of telling you myself.

I would also never create a ridiculously detailed binder of processes for a job - and then, five years later, pass that binder on to someone who is now training for that job. Because I'm not a list maker or note taker. Seriously. I'm not. And because of that, I wouldn't make that binder. But if I did, I'm sure my pack-rat habits would dictate that the binder still be present in my home.

I did not hire a photographer for my best friend's wedding because I found her through MckMama's blog. But if I did, it wouldn't be just based on that - it would also be because I met her six years ago. At a park in a nearby city. And I saw her a few times after that. So I do technically sort of know her from real life. But since I would never hire a photographer because I found her on a complete stranger's blog, it doesn't really matter, does it? If you are curious about this mystery photographer that I did not hire, you can check her out over at Sailor and Company. Sami, if you read this... see you in October. :)

I did not ride 17.63 miles yesterday on a bike with a seat designed for... well, for something other than riding 17.63 miles. And today, I am not finding it difficult to sit in any of the traditional "sitting positions" because of it. And if that were so, that discomfort is surely something too personal to share in such a public forum. Right?

I am not sleepy. And I am not going to bed having only written a pathetically short Emotions from the Psalms post and an almost as pathetic "Not Me Monday" post. Because I have nothing better to do at night than blog. Or something.

Oh... and when I ran spell check on this post, I did not contemplate gloating about the fact that it only found one error. Because I'm not that shallow. I only post about important and significant achievements. Not silly things like proper spelling.

Not Me. Not Today.

The past week was long, busy, and not the easiest of weeks. In light of that, I will not be doing a "Not Me Monday" post today. You can head over to MckMama's blog to check out other people's "Not Me's."

As for me, I am going to bed.

Tomorrow, you can expect another "emotion from Psalms" post. I've been keeping up with the reading - just not with the posting of the reading.

Nope. Not Me. Not Today.

So MckMama..." is a phrase frequently uttered in our home, by myself and my husband. MckMama is one of those rare people who lets herself be seen by others. She lets us see her as she follows Christ - flaws and all.

Each week, MckMama hosts a blogfest called "Not Me Monday." Not Me Monday is, in a nutshell, a no-cost-involved self-therapy program designed for people like me. It gives those who participate full license to disclose all of those details that we usually keep carefully hidden. It also allows us (the participants) to read about all of the things that other people definitely did *NOT* do this past week.

So here are my "Not Me Monday's." Be sure to head on over to MckMama's Blog to check out more, that are probably more entertaining than mine could ever be.

1. I am an not the co-owner of an actual, real-life house. Because my husband and I didn't sign on the loan and title on Friday. And my dad didn't take us traipsing around in the woods to celebrate, and then buy us yummy food. Nope. Not me.
   
2. If that had happened, though, I certainly wouldn't have doggedly carried my camera with me. While hiking through weeds on steep hillsides. Wearing flip-flops. No. I don't do that.
   
3. But... if I were to ever do such a thing, the highlight of the evening definitely would not have been the biggest millipede I have ever seen... except for on tv, of course. But if that were all true, that millipede would have looked something like this...
   
4. I am not seriously lacking in the "Not Me" category. Because I don't work for a place that doesn't want me blogging about work. And if I did, I certainly wouldn't spend vast quantities of time there, so much so that I feel like it's where I live.
   
5. I am not cutting this post short in deference to my husband. Who is finding the noise and intensity of this storm a bit intimidating in regards to household electronics. I can tell he's not used to weathering storms while on top of a ridge...

Not Me Monday

So MckMama..." is a phrase frequently uttered in our home, by myself and my husband. MckMama is one of those rare people who lets herself be seen by others. She lets us see her as she follows Christ - flaws and all.

Each week, MckMama hosts a blogfest called "Not Me Monday." Not Me Monday is, in a nutshell, a no-cost-involved self-therapy program designed for people like me. It gives those who participate full license to disclose all of those details that we usually keep carefully hidden. It also allows us (the participants) to read about all of the things that other people definitely did *NOT* do this past week.

So here are my "Not Me Monday's." Be sure to head on over to MckMama's Blog to check out more.

1. I occasionally frequently receive e-mails with the words "I found a baby bird" in the subject line. Why? Well, I helped one person on one forum, one time, years ago. This person truly was in a position to care for said baby bird, and they were not in a position to get this baby to a rehabber. So I helped. And now, whenever people search for help with the baby bird they've found, they come across that ancient post.
   
   But this past week? I most certainly did not receive an e-mail with this exact phrase... "I put it in a flower pot that had grass going in it and placed it on our trampoline..." Upon reading that, I did not stare dumbly at the screen. For several minutes.
   
   However, if that did happen, I would have still helped the individual by providing contact information so they could contact a rehabber, as well as some basic instructions for assisting this baby.
   
2. Along those same lines... I most certainly did not reply to the fourth or fifth e-mail in one afternoon regarding a baby that was taken from the ground with mom and dad bird nearby. And in that nonexistent reply, I definitely did write, "Please. Stop breaking the law - it is illegal to have that baby bird. And while you're at it - put the baby back. Seriously. Mom and dad were there because they are taking care of it. And by the way... how did you find my e-mail in that four year old post but have absolutely no luck finding a wildlife rehabilitator?" But if I had typed out such a reply, I wouldn't have sent it.
   
3. I am not currently snuggling under the covers with my cat. But if I was, it would be unerstandable, as he is the epitome of catness, you know.
   
4. I am not cringing at the thought of the week I'm about to launch into. But if I was, you'd understand after a brief look at my schedule:
   Monday - leave for work by 8:00 AM, get done at 5:30, but can't go home because Derek's not done until 9:30. Planning to force a friend to go for a walk to work his recently reconstructed knees. And needing to go to a particular place of business in order to schedule some appointments. And having at least two letters to write. One of which I don't really want to write. And having to somehow touch base with the church office in the morning. While working. A job I don't particularly feel prepared to do.
   
   Tuesday - leave for work by 8:00 AM. Get done at 5:30. Drop one of those letters I wrote on Monday off. Eat. Get to church by about 6:30, to make sure everything is set for photography. As soon as church is over, book back over to work to get Derek. Home by 10:30, if we're lucky.
   
   Wednesday - leave for work by 7:45 AM, since I'll be flexing early (I think). Work till 5:15. Get to church (30 minutes away) by 5:50, have one of those "heavy" appointments, then church from 7:00 to about 9:30. Head back to work, get Derek. Hopefully home by 11:00 PM.
   
   Thursday - leave for work by 8:00 AM, work till 5:30 PM, back to church for another special service, do video (camera) which entails being on my feet for about 2.5 hours, then back to work, get Derek, drive home, hopefully to arrive around 11:00 PM.
   
   Friday - blissful Friday. Planning to shoot for a shift swap with someone, so I can hang out with my hubby in the morning and start work some time afternoon. But also appealing is the notion of flexing fifteen minutes early again, getting done by 5:15, and having just over four hours to muck around in the woods somewhere, maybe get some decent pictures.
   
   And somewhere in all this, we have to close on our house. And then there's the fact that we need to keep working on our house, because it's not even sort of done. I suppose I should really attempt to get some sleep somewhere in there, and maybe even eat some food?
   
5. My cat did not just get his claw stuck in the couch. And make all sorts of strange noises and flailing movements before I realized he wasn't just being... odd.
   
6. I am not sort of dreading Mother's Day. Because it isn't a day filled with memories, and with tears, because I miss her so much.
   
7. I'm not ending here, because I've come up with something else I want to work on. No... not me.

Not Me Monday. Finally.

So MckMama..." is a phrase frequently uttered in our home, by myself and my husband. MckMama is one of those rare people who lets herself be seen by others. She lets us see her as she follows Christ - flaws and all.

Each week, MckMama hosts a blogfest called "Not Me Monday." Not Me Monday is, in a nutshell, a no-cost-involved self-therapy program designed for people like me. It gives those who participate full license to disclose all of those details that we usually keep carefully hidden. It also allows us (the participants) to read about all of the things that other people definitely did *NOT* do this past week.

So here are my "Not Me Monday's." Be sure to head on over to MckMama's Blog to check out more, that are probably more entertaining than mine could ever be.

1. I did not, in one night, dream about becoming a parent. Three times. By three different means. Not me. Because the fact that we're not trying is obviously proof that I no longer want it. Right? And if I did have the forementioned dreams, it wouldn't have gotten me curious enough to, ahem, deposite a sample in a cup and dip a stick. But if all that were true, the stick would have had one lonely pink line. Which means no baby.
   
2. I did not get hired by a particular cellular service company. Neither did my husband. I am not seriously planning to spend nearly every waking moment in the presence of said husband. And I am not excited. Nope. Not I.
   
3. I am not starting this post very early and scheduling it to automatically post. Because I did not actually forget that it was Monday. Two weeks in a row. Nuh uh. I never forget things.
   
4. I didn't lose the charger for my camera battery. Nope. We just ordered a new charger for fun. Because we like to spend money on things we don't need or even particularly want. And if I did lose the charger, I wouldn't have pouted and beat myself up over it for hours. Until my husband basically said "knock it off and order a new one already." No. Not me.
   
5. I did not have to turn off my headset while doing camera at church. Because the department coordinator didn't say something in a completely serious tone of voice, in order to help one of the other camera operators. And that something did not strike me as hilarious. Nuh uh. I never laugh at inappropriate times.
   
6. I did not thoroughly enjoy my ride to church tonight. With an amazing, sweet woman named Mary. Mary and her husband Harlyn, and their daughters Amanda and Abi, were hugely instrumental in seeing me come to a true walk with God. They brought me into their family. To their church. And then to the church that I call home today. They stood with me as God did a miraculous, marvelous thing in me. You might have "heard" something about them here before.
   
   I also did not spill a little something to her that I've been wanting someone to know. Because I just got tired of bottling it up.
   
7. It is not entirely possible that I will once again forget that Monday, is Monday. I am not hoping that this auto-post will jar my memory. Because I have not been even a little scatter brained lately.

Not Me Monday

"So MckMama..." is a phrase frequently uttered in our home, by myself and my husband. MckMama is one of those rare people who lets herself be seen by others. She lets us see her as she follows Christ - flaws and all.

Each week, MckMama hosts a blogfest called "Not Me Monday." Not Me Monday is, in a nutshell, a no-cost-involved self-therapy program designed for people like me. It gives those who participate full license to disclose all of those details that we usually keep carefully hidden. It also allows us (the participants) to read about all of the things that other people definitely did *NOT* do this past week.

So here are my "Not Me Monday's." Be sure to head on over to MckMama's Blog to check out more, that are probably more entertaining than mine could ever be.

---

1. This week, I did not have a job interview. And I did not find it to be very awkward and strange, because the two interviewers didn't have any questions or anything. It was sort of... sit in a room and stare at each other. Take a tour. See what I'd do if they hire me. Bye. I was not very disappointed in myself.
   
2. My husband has not been making suggestions for "Not Me Monday." No, not him. He also has not been walking around saying, "I would never do... No, not me." Because he is not vicariously living the MckMama addiction through me.
   
3. I am not displeased with the new look of my blog. It doesn't bother me. And I am not too lazy to fix it just now.
   
4. I did not have a physical this last week, after I realized it had been *gulp* over 18 months since the last one. But if I did have a physical, I would have been pleasantly surprised by the "bedside manner" of our temporary doctor.
   
5. I did not score chocolate in a location that will remain undisclosed. This chocolate scoring was not the result of joking around with a receptionist somewhere. It also wasn't the source of amusement for several others. And I most definitely did not use my temporary stash to supply several others with their own "chocolate fix." I did not then ask if it was okay, after doing it. No. Not me.
   
6. I have not been spending a lot of time being thankful for our friends Karl and Iris. Well, okay, this one is definitely true. I have been being thankful. You know that verse in Proverbs (18:24, actually) that talks about a friend who is closer than a brother? These are that. I've got a few others. Precious few. I won't name them, because I'm not willing to risk hurting any feelings. But having precious few, makes those few seem so much more precious.
   
7. I did not download E-Sword. I do not love it. I am not shamelessly telling ALL of you to download it. It is not my new favorite program. I am not finding it immensely helpful and extremely user-friendly.
   
8. My husband and I have not both spent several months now assuming that the other really liked Di*Giorno stuffed crust pizza. While secretly not really liking it our self. We have not purchased, baked, and eaten many of these pizzas. We do not both like the cheaper, bigger, better Tomb*stone pizzas better.
   
9. We did not spend yesterday working on our house. In the course of doing so, I did not fall in a hole in our floor. Well, just my leg. Didn't. No. Because I've pointed out that everyone should watch out for it, and not fall in it. Because it would hurt. Their leg. You know, like what didn't happen to me. I do not have bruises up and down my shin and knee. No. And I did not have to resort to wrapping it tightly to squeeze out swelling. Not I.
   
10. I did not have a whole bunch of great "not me" ideas for this week. And I have not forgotten all of them. Because I usually start this post way ahead of time. And I definitely am not grabbing at ideas here just to fill up space. I'm not that superficial or trivial. No, not me.
    
11. I am not so tired it's hard to think, never mind type. Because I am not disappointingly not effected by the melatonin supplement I've used the last three nights. No, not me.

Not Me Monday

"So MckMama..." is a phrase frequently uttered in our home, by myself and my husband. MckMama is one of those rare people who lets herself be seen by others. She lets us see her as she follows Christ - flaws and all.

Each week, MckMama hosts a blogfest called "Not Me Monday." Not Me Monday is, in a nutshell, a no-cost-involved self-therapy program designed for people like me. It gives those who participate full license to disclose all of those details that we usually keep carefully hidden. It also allows us (the participants) to read about all of the things that other people definitely did *NOT* do this past week.

So here are my "Not Me Monday's." Be sure to head on over to MckMama's Blog to check out more, that are probably more entertaining than mine could ever be.

1. I did not just post something saying I would not be doing a Not Me Monday post. Because if I had done that, I wouldn't have changed my mind already about doing it. Because that's just silly. I don't change my mind that often.
   
2. On Wednesday night last week, we did not throw a cup of warm water out the door, into the air. The vast majority of it did not evaporate in mid-air. It was not that cold here. No.
   
3. Our heater has not been running too much. And it is not too dry in our house. My skin is not so itchy it makes it hard to sleep, and we do not get zapped every time we try to pet our cats. And I am not too lazy to go dig our humidifier out of storage and set it up in our house.
   
4. I did not accidentally nap for three hours this afternoon. And if I had, I certainly wouldn't be disappointingly awake right now. As in, I'm terribly alert. And it's bed time. But that isn't me, because I am never up too late. Never. And I always get plenty of sleep.
   
5. The dishsoap I wrote about earlier this week is not nearly frozen again. But even if it was, it actually did go back to an almost normal color yesterday. And that is something, right?
   
6. My husband has at no point gotten me addicted to spreadsheets. As in complex ones. As in ones that will do even more than some interactive software I've used. And I am not currently converting the DSM-IV into a spreadsheet. That actually does the diagnosing for you. Because I have no need for that, and I'm not dorky enough to like that sort of thing enough to do it for no good reason.
   
7. I am not making a pathetic valiant effort to "do facebook." Because of one "friend request." And I'm not finding that I'm not a big fan.
   
8. This week's "Not Me Monday" post is not pathetic. Because I didn't wait until 10:45 on Sunday night to start it. No. Not me. I'm the obsessive-early-starter person from last week, remember?

Not Me Monday

"So MckMama..." is a phrase frequently uttered in our home, by myself and my husband. MckMama is one of those rare people who lets herself be seen by others. She lets us see her as she follows Christ - flaws and all.

Each week, MckMama hosts a blogfest called "Not Me Monday." Not Me Monday is, in a nutshell, a no-cost-involved self-therapy program designed for people like me. It gives those who participate full license to disclose all of those details that we usually keep carefully hidden. It also allows us (the participants) to read about all of the things that other people definitely did *NOT* do this past week.

So here are my "Not Me Monday's." Be sure to head on over to MckMama's Blog to check out more, that are probably more entertaining than mine could ever be.

1. It is not currently Thursday. Because I would never start my "Not Me Monday" post days in advance. No. Not I.
   
2. My cat is perfectly behaved. He never destroys things. And I am never a slob. I always put everything where it goes, as soon as I am done with it. I would never let a padded mailing envelope find its way to our living room floor. And if I did, and I was, and he did, and he wasn't (didja' follow that?), even then this would not be the envelope that I mentioned. And those holes would not be shaped like kitty bites. And there wouldn't be little pieces of that envelope all. over. the. house. Because as I said, I'm a neat freak.
   And even if all of that did really happen, I for sure wouldn't make my husband, who kindly threw away the envelope, dig the envelope back out of the garbage and put it where we found it just so I could take a picture for my "Not Me Monday" post.
   
3. I did not just type a nice long post, (not this one, a different one) and get giddy when I did spell check and it found zero errors. I'm not so hung up on "doing things right."
   
4. I did not go to a doctor today, and nearly breaking into tears, inform him that it doesn't seem to matter what I do, I just can't sleep. Because my faith is bigger than that. He did not surprise me with more compassion than I expected when I told him very briefly what was causing the sleep disturbance. He also didn't give me just enough Ambien to get caught up on sleep.
   
5. There are not areas of my life that are too personal, too... painful, embarrassing, or "ugly" for me to share here. I am always an open book. Right? Okay... seriously. Not always. Because nobody needs to share every single detail of their life with anybody else. There are some things better left unsaid.
   
6. I do not smile every time I think of "our" skunk. And his name is not Leroy. And he is not something I am fond of. No. Because he is, after all, a wild animal and I certainly shouldn't be comfortable around him. After all, he could be dangerousor he could even stink.
   
7. I have not used verbs to come up with nick names for each of our cats. If I had, their names would most certainly not be Crying Cat, Biting Cat, Kicking Cat, and Chirping Cat. Nope. Because we don't have any cats that cry, bite, kick, or chirp.
   
8. My Furbis cat did not actually kick Derek's Bayleigh cat in the head. No. Because seriously, what cat kicks other cats? As in picks up his or her foot and kicks another cat? Definitely not mine. Because he's normal.
   
9. I am not stalking MckMama's blog right now. Because I'm not hung up on being one of the first ten people to submit my link to Mr. Linky. Because no way would I ever be so superficial as to care what number I am on an automated link submission form.
   
   **editing to add this: I did not diligently stalk her blog until 9:00 AM this morning. Only to seriously miss her post by seventeen minutes. I wouldn't give up at such a silly time. I am not number 189. So there. Stalking is apparently useless.
   
10. I am not currently working on a slideshow that will grace the top of this blog for one week, beginning January 31st.

Not Me Monday

"So MckMama..." is a phrase frequently uttered in our home, by myself and my husband. MckMama is one of those rare people who lets herself be seen by others. She lets us see her as she follows Christ - flaws and all.

Each week, MckMama hosts a blogfest called "Not Me Monday." Not Me Monday is, in a nutshell, a no-cost-involved self-therapy program designed for people like me. It gives those who participate full license to disclose all of those details that we usually keep carefully hidden. It also allows us (the participants) to read about all of the things that other people definitely did *NOT* do this past week.

So here are my "Not Me Monday's." Be sure to head on over to MckMama's Blog to check out more, that are probably more entertaining than mine could ever be.

1. I am not currently staring at my sweet, sweet Furbis cat. Because he is definitely not the Epitome of Catness. No, not he. And no, not me.
   
   
   
2. My husband and I most certainly did sit idly and passively by as our cats (three of the four) tried vainly to get into a paper bag full of crinkly bags of potato chips. Nope. And we didn't laugh very hard. And we didn't discuss the fact that we were being naughty kitty parents by letting them be so destructive and then decide that really, it didn't matter. Because the fun of watching did NOT outweigh our desire to train them to be good, model-citizen style kitties.
   
3. Just today, while typing up this post, I did NOT suddenly realize that I forgot to put up my Christmas play list. And I did not spend nearly an hour and a half preparing that play list for this blog. Only to forget to actually change it. No. Not I. And if that had happened, I wouldn't have decided I'd better at least listen to it once. And I am not forcing myself, on January 3rd, to listen to my Christmas music. No.
   
4. I did not spend the days since my surgery wishing my husband would do dishes. There wouldn't have been many to do if I had, since we are mostly living off of paper plates and disposable silverware. And I didn't remind my husband yet again that I wanted him to do them. After all, it's something he hates doing. And he never promised to do them. So why would I expect him to?
   In light of that... I did not come down the stairs, look through the kitchen wall, and see my husband kneeling on the bathroom floor over a bathtub full of soapy water and dirty dishes. Definitely not. Because, I need to remind you, we do not live in a construction zone. We are not able to look through most of our walls due to a lack of drywall. And, just because we don't have a kitchen sink, that doesn't mean we do our dishes in the bathtub.
   But... if all of that had happened, he for sure would have scored some major brownie points with me.
   
5. I am not currently searching for a job. And I did not seriously spend over an hour filling out an online interview thing for a local company, and get all the way to the point of needing to choose a time for my face-to-face interview before realizing that I actually do not want to work there. Not even sort of. Because I always think about that sort of thing before I fill out applications.
   
6. It is not remarkably windy outside. And I am not noticing that this wind has actually blown 2/3 of the snow off the neighbor's roof. There was not nearly a foot of the cold white stuff on that roof just last night. I cannot see shingles. Because that would mean it is too windy. And I don't secretly wish that I, like my neighbor, was somewhere warmer just now.
   
7. In the process of demolition this summer, we did not dislodge a skunk from his home beneath our foundationless (is that a word) entryway. And that same skunk did not then dig underneath our new deck (which replaced the entryway) and take up residence once again. We have not become resigned to the presence of this skunk. And we for sure have not actually grown fond of him.
   And he isn't so used to us that he doesn't spray us. He doesn't sit quietly on our deck as we enter and exit our house. I haven't quit being startled when I see a skunk on my porch. We did not actually name this skunk. How weird would that be?? But if all of that were actually true, surely the skunk would be so used to us that he would rarely emit any smell at all, and his name would be Leroy.
   
8. We do not use miscellaneous little scraps of drywall as serving platters. Just because they have great thermal properties and don't heat up when you put a 300 degree bowl on them, and just because they are EVERYWHERE in our house right now, doesn't mean we'd stoop to using construction rubble as serving ware. No. Not us.
   
9. I am not desperately grasping at random things in order to create a substantial Not-Me-Monday Post.

Not Me Monday

"So MckMama..." is a phrase frequently uttered in our home, by myself and my husband. MckMama is one of those rare people who lets herself be seen by others. She lets us see her as she follows Christ - flaws and all.Each week, MckMama hosts a blogfest called "Not Me Monday." Not Me Monday is, in a nutshell, a no-cost-involved self-therapy program designed for people like me. It gives those who participate full license to disclose all of those details that we usually keep carefully hidden. It also allows us (the participants) to read about all of the things that other people definitely did NOT do this past week.So here are my "Not Me Monday's." Be sure to head on over to MckMama's Blog to check out more, that are probably more entertaining than mine could ever be.

1. We do not have way too many bats in our house. There are not two separate incidents which prove this to be true. If we did and there were, though, I would describe them as follows:
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   I was almost asleep, in our dark, quiet bedroom. I feel a soft "thump" on my knee, through the blankets. I turn on the lamp, and look down to see a very startled bat who apparently didn't expect there to suddenly be light. When the bat started to squeak in defense, I didn't grumpily say, "Not so loud, okay?" And then turn the light back off. And then, almost twenty minutes later, realize what I had just done. And realize that the bat was now hanging out on the computer monitor, ready to sleep till the next night.
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   Incident number two is related to incident number one. I did not come downstairs just one night ago to find all four cats laying lazily in a heap in the living room. They were not all lazily watching a bat fly in circles. They are not so used to bats that they now neglect to pursue them.
   
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2. I am not praying for a surplus of slave labor volunteers to help us drywall next weekend, even though I will be laying in bed too drugged up to function because I'm having surgery. Because I am not getting a little disturbed by the fact that I am actually getting used to bats living in my house with me.
   
   *Just so you know, I am aware that bats pose a health hazard and are generally disturbing to most people. However, this is a temporary situation which will soon be remedied and I am trying to make the best of it. Because when all is said and done, my husband and I are actually quite blessed.
   
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3. I am not going to complain about winter this year. Because I am not going to set myself up to be all depressed about the fact that where I live, winter seems to last twice as long as summer. Wait... that actually IS true... whoops!
   
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4. At the beginning of this week, I did not realize with a sinking feeling that I had used my own "logic" and "reasoning ability" to directly disobey my Pastor. After I asked him to tell me what I should do. But if I had done that, I would have gone to him after church to tell him I had finally realized that I'd asked him for help and then disregarded the help he gave, and apologized.
   
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5. I was not ecstatic to when I found out what our energy bill is, even though our house isn't done, and it's not fully insulated yet, and we don't have the drywall all up, and the heating system is having to work way more than it should because our duct work isn't complete. Because it isn't already only 25% of what our average bill was in our apartment.
   
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6. I did not just go to a Christmas party with my husband and his coworkers, and spend the majority of the time trying to acquire as many puppy-kisses as possible. Because I do not actually feel more comfortable with strange dogs than with semi-familiar people. Nope, not me.
   
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7. I so totally did not install a hit-counter in the background of this blog. And since then, I DEFINITELY have not been checking every day trying to figure out if there is anyone who regularly reads this. But even if I had, I wouldn't reveal my findings here. ;)
   
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8. My "little" uncle is not coming to be with me when I have surgery. And he's not coming back next week to take care of me while my husband works. And I'm not excited about that. Because I don't like him. Nope, not me.
   
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9. I do not have posts scheduled for the next week, in an effort to encourage *all* of my readers to keep coming back. I'm not that... um... weird? Obsessive? Hmm....
   
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10. I am not off to stalk MckMama's blog in an attempt to be in the top five for this week's "Not Me Monday" festival.

**Just a note** The uncle I mentioned? His name is Michael. He is a young man that I am proud to know. Proud to be related to. And I love him very much, and I thank God for the opportunity to know him.

Not Me Monday

"So MckMama..." is a phrase frequently uttered in our home. Mostly by me. Or... maybe it's only uttered by me? Hmmm... regardless. MckMama is currentlywitnessing the miraculous birth, life, and healing of one youngster affectionately known as MckMuffin. Or, in the real world, Stellan. Stellan is living proof that miracles do indeed happen. The fact that his heart is still beating today, is a miracle. The fact that his mom, dad, sister, and brothers have not had to say "good-bye" to him is a miracle. Stellan's mom, "MckMama," hosts a blog carnival. It is called "Not Me Monday." Not Me Monday is a great way to be real, honest, and open with strangers from all over the world. I invite you to read mine, and read MckMama's. On her blog, you'll find links to all sorts of Not Me Monday participants. I think you'll enjoy it. I know I sure have.

1. On Friday the 21st, my husband and I actually did go to a friend's house to be lazy and relax and enjoy some good comp'ny. But, while we were there, I did not laugh so hard at the commentator on an Air Force One special that I cried. Hard. Not me. Because when a serious announcer says that the purpose of Air Force One is to allow the president to "Do his duty anywhere in the world, in safety," I certainly do not immediately find my mind on things related more to toilettes than running our nation. Not me. Nuh-uh.
2. Looking at number one again - I certainly do not still chuckle every time I envision Air Force One. And that vision is not accompanied by the memory of what that non-existant announcer did not say. Nope.
3. Because I nearly forgot last week's Not Me Monday post, I certainly did not start this at 1:45 AM on Monday the 24th. That would just be obsessive.
4. I have not completely re-wired my brains biological clock so that my sleep cycle is about seven hours later than normal. Because that would mean I've made a habit of doing things at the "wrong" time. And it would mean I will have to actually do something about it if I want to be like "normal" people.
5. I am not still up at 1:11 AM, not even trying to sleep. Because I know better than that. If I want to kick this insomnia thing, I need to go to sleep. And I don't ever do things I know I maybe shouldn't do. Nope. Not me.
6. I am not reasonably confident that I just managed to kill the Mac. Again. Because I made fun of my husband for doing that very thing just this afternoon.
7. I have not just verified that I really killed the Mac. Nope.
8. I did not pout when Mr. Linky wasn't working on MckMama's blog. I did not deliberately post this at 12:00 AM just to be in the top 5. And I did not consider (briefly) taking it back down just because it wasn't as high as I wanted it.
9. I am not about to go take a long, hot bath exclusively for the purpose of warming my freezing feet. It is 2:00 AM and I do NOT stay up till all hours unable to sleep. Although, I suppose I COULD use my sweet husband's back to warm my feet. I'm not sure he'd like that, though.
10. I did not just consume 1/3 of a box of thin mints while soaking in that bath I didn't take.

Not Me Monday. (I'm NOT Batty)

"So MckMama..." is a phrase frequently uttered in our home. Mostly by me. Or... maybe it's only uttered by me? Hmmm... regardless. MckMama is currently witnessing the miraculous birth, life, and healing of one youngster affectionately known as MckMuffin. Or, in the real world, Stellan. Stellan is living proof that miracles do indeed happen. The fact that his heart is still beating today, is a miracle. The fact that his mom, dad, sister, and brothers have not had to say "good-bye" to him is a miracle. Stellan's mom, "MckMama," hosts a blog carnival. It is called "Not Me Monday." Not Me Monday is a great way to be real, honest, and open with strangers from all over the world. I invite you to read mine, and read MckMama's. On her blog, you'll find links to all sorts of Not Me Monday participants. I think you'll enjoy it. I know I sure have.

1. I am not sitting here at 1:30 AM riding yet another adrenaline high. Because I did not just get hot and cold flashes as I watched our cats find yet another bat in our house. That's ridiculous.
2. If our cats did just find another bat, I surely would have dealt with it myself instead of forcing my sleeping husband to get up and capture it.
3. I am not having a hard time sleeping because of that adrenaline high, and I am not considering using food as a natural sedative. Because eating this late is bad for my metabolism.
4. I do not have to force myself to get up in the morning to call and schedule yet another operation for endometriosis. If that were true, I wouldn't be trying to hide the guilt I secretly feel about it.
5. I did not just spend more than 24 hours in a drug-induced haze because of the pain relievers I need to take to be comfortable.
6. I am definitely not sitting here pretending I cannot hear a bat flying around in the house, searching for bugs. That would be absurd - if I could hear that, surely I'd do something about it. Right?
7. I am not trying to figure out a way to trap all of the bats in our house without paying any money to do so.
8. We do not have a bat trapped in our half-completed ventilation system. If we did, we wouldn't have used cardboard and duct tape to do the trapping.
9. I do not jump every time I hear a sound that sounds like a bat. Because these bats are certainly not driving me... well... batty.

Not Me Monday...

"So MckMama..." is a phrase frequently uttered in our home. Mostly by me. Or... maybe it's only uttered by me? Hmmm... regardless. MckMama is currentlywitnessing the miraculous birth, life, and healing of one youngster affectionately known as MckMuffin. Or, in the real world, Stellan. Stellan is living proof that miracles do indeed happen. The fact that his heart is still beating today, is a miracle. The fact that his mom, dad, sister, and brothers have not had to say "good-bye" to him is a miracle. Stellan's mom, "MckMama," hosts a blog carnival. It is called "Not Me Monday." Not Me Monday is a great way to be real, honest, and open with strangers from all over the world. I invite you to read mine, and read MckMama's. On her blog, you'll find links to all sorts of Not Me Monday participants. I think you'll enjoy it. I know I sure have.

1. I did not pass out at church last Wednesday. But if I had done that, I'm sure I'd remember more than random little snippets.
2. I am not sitting here having once again forgotten that today was Monday and having no "Not Me Monday" post prepared.
3. I do not currently live in one room of my house - the one room with electricity, communication, and walls.
4. I am not currently uncertain whether anybody else is in my house or not. Because I'm not so zonked that I can't tell if I heard my father in law come in or not. Not me.
5. I did not nearly wet my pants when I realized an opposum had apparently found its way into our house. I also did not choose to hide in my bedroom from the "big scary creature" currently shuffling around amongst our box forest downstairs. And if that had happened, I certainly would NOT have snuck back down to prop the door open, hoping the creature would find its own way out. It's too cold for that.
6. I am not sitting here in my pajamas at 3:20 in the afternoon, simply because I haven't felt like finding any "real" clothes to wear. Not me.

Not Me Monday - 5th Edition

"So MckMama..." is a phrase frequently uttered in our home. Mostly by me. Or... maybe it's only uttered by me? Hmmm... regardless. MckMama is currently serving as the primary place of residence for one youngster affectionately known as MckMuffin. Or, in the real world, Stellan. Stellan is living proof that miracles do indeed happen. The fact that his heart is still beating today, is a miracle. The fact that his mom, dad, sister, and brothers have not had to say "good-bye" to him is a miracle. Stellan's mom, "MckMama," hosts a blog carnival. It is called "Not Me Monday." Not Me Monday is a great way to be real, honest, and open with strangers from all over the world. I invite you to read mine, and read MckMama's. On her blog, you'll find links to all sorts of Not Me Monday participants. I think you'll enjoy it. I know I sure have.

1. I did not miss the fact that yesterday was monday. And forget to do my not me monday post because of it. Nope.
   
2. I did not sleep from 7:30 PM last night until 12:30 PM today. Because I would never let myself push until I was that tired and drained. Never. That's not healthy, you know.
   
3. I am not struggling for items for this post. My life is totally entertaining and I certainly do not lack interesting tidbits to share with the world.

Not Me Monday - 4th Edition

"So MckMama..." is a phrase frequently uttered in our home. Mostly by me. Or... maybe it's only uttered by me? Hmmm... regardless. MckMama is currently serving as the primary place of residence for one youngster affectionately known as MckMuffin. Or, in the real world, Stellan. Stellan is living proof that miracles do indeed happen. The fact that his heart is still beating today, is a miracle. The fact that his mom, dad, sister, and brothers have not had to say "good-bye" to him is a miracle.

Stellan's mom, "MckMama," hosts a blog carnival. It is called "Not Me Monday." Not Me Monday is a great way to be real, honest, and open with strangers from all over the world. I invite you to read mine, and read MckMama's. On her blog, you'll find links to all sorts of Not Me Monday participants. I think you'll enjoy it. I know I sure have.

1) I did not make a mess while securing the windows in our new house. And if I did make a mess. I would not have inadvertently glued my hand to the glue gun. And if I did do that, I would not have decided it would be easier to finish gluing and then free my hand. And even if all of that did happen, I doubt it would have really taken over an hour for me to remove the large chunks of glue from my skin. Not me.
2) I do not get a secret thrill and rush out of driving in condtions (weather) that require me to go slow, be careful, and pray. And if I DID get said rush and thrill, I wouldn't ENJOY it. Nope. Not I.3) I did not put a tin snip on top of the ladder. With the safety catch NOT engaged. And then forget. And move the ladder. And have said tin snip fall on me. I also did not pretend nothing happened when my grandpa looked up. Nope. Not me.4) I have not been so spazzy about our house project that I find myself being cranky to my husband, to my father-in-law, to my grandpa, and anybody else who moves. I have more self control than that.5) I did not come home and notice a pile of "cat vomit / hair ball" in the office doorway. And it did not consist of, as far as I could see initially, blood, worms, and fur. And I didn't spend five minutes trying to figure out how any of our cats could possibly be that sick and that worm-infested and still seem so very healthy. And at the end of that five minutes, I didn't notice a foot and a tail on the "hair ball." I also didn't figure out that the "worms" were actually intestines. And if that DID happen, I seriously doubt I'd use a wad of paper towel to pick up said... thing. And show it to my husband. The reason this couldn't have happened is because my cat would NEVER catch a mouse and swallow it whole. All though if he DID do that... the above scenario would suddenly seem less far fetched. Especially if you consider his size.

Not Me Monday - 3rd Edition

I frequent MckMama's blog. MckMama has been the source of much laughter in my home. All I have to do to get my husband laughing is walk in the room and say "So, MckMama..." and he's gone. I don't think I'd even need to follow it up. He says the name is what does it. Regardless, I read her blog. You might enjoy doing so, too.
So, MckMama is hosting this thing called "Not Me Monday." In this thing, participants make a list of those things which they most certainly did NOT do this past week. Those things that nobody does, and even if they did... they'd never share.

1) I did not set my alarm and then forget to actually turn it on. And then sleep until noon. Nope. I don't like sleeping that much.

2) I did not just laugh hysterically as my kitten sat on my husband's face. And if that had happened, I certainly wouldn't have neglected to help him remove her. Nope. I also wouldn't threaten to put her back and take a picture. Nuh-uh. No way.

3) I would never forget about a half gallon of milk hidden in the fridge. And if I did, I certainly wouldn't miss the fact that the jug was slowly expanding. And even if all of that happened, I DEFINATELY wouldn't neglect to notice it until the jug ruptured. Nope. Not me. That is TOTALLY disgusting.

4) This week, I did not get myself into a t.v. show that is really just not that good. Because I do not have friends that would recommend shows that might be strangely addictive. And even if those things were true, I wouldn't take advantage of watching TV on-line for free.

5) I did not hit my hand and arm with a hammer no fewer than 15 times before it occured to me to hold the parts I was securing differently. Because that would mean I was ridiculously stubborn.

6) I would never spend thirty minutes driving with hands that were nearly black with... whatever it is that gets on hands when working with aluminum. I'd imagine, it's aluminum. :) And if I did that, I certainly wouldn't forget to scrub them clean before eating something...

This week hasn't held very many "did not" moments for me. Or if it has, I don't remember them. I guess that's what working crazy hard does to a person.

Not Me Monday - 2nd Edition

I frequent MckMama's blog. MckMama has been the source of much laughter in my home. All I have to do to get my husband laughing is walk in the room and say "So, MckMama..." and he's gone. I don't think I'd even need to follow it up. He says the name is what does it. Regardless, I read her blog. You might enjoy doing so, too.

So, MckMama is hosting this thing called "Not Me Monday." In this thing, participants make a list of those things which they most certainly did NOT do this past week. Those things that nobody does, and even if they did... they'd never share.

1) I most certainly did not just employ my 4 month old kitten to lick up the melted butter that I spilled on the floor, rather than using paper towel. But if I did, I would have used dish soap and water after the cat licked most of it up.

2) I did not drop a pen under my desk and then break my keyboard tray in my effort to retrieve it. And if that did happen, I wouldn't have scrambled around and wound up using a pliers and just the removable head from a ratchet screwdriver to fix it. At 1:30 AM. Nope. No way.

3) I did not, and would not ever, and have never before, stay up three hours past the "sleepy" point in order to watch episodes of my favorite t.v. show - that I've seen several times already. Nope, not me. 4) I did not dig and dig a year ago until I found a place online where I can watch my shows for free as often as I want, because someone needs to pay for these things so they can keep making them. 5) I did not nearly chicken out after spending more than $50 on a gift for my dad, and choose not to give it to him. But if I had, my husband saying, "It even made me cry when I was looking through it" would have persuaded me that it wasn't as cheesy as I thought. 6) I did not knowingly drive somewhere between 120 and 140 miles with a dying alternator. I did not deliberately exercise denial, pretending that it must be just a bad battery. Nope. And I certainly did not hide the fact that we were being... foolish... from my husband. Uh-uh. But if I had done that, I would have used the knowledge that we'd always be within 30 minutes of a close friend or relative to reassure me (yes, they're that spread out). 7) And finally, I did not start this post last week on Monday afternoon, and schedule it to post early Monday morning. Because I do not actually care about looking lazy to my *many* readers. And I don't think that making this post automatically publish nice and early would help me in the quest to look ambitions. Nope, not I. So what did you not do this week?

Not Me Monday - Courtesy of MckMama.

I frequent MckMama's blog. MckMama has been the source of much laughter in my home. All I have to do to get my husband laughing is walk in the room and say "So, MckMama..." and he's gone. I don't think I'd even need to follow it up. He says the name is what does it. Regardless, I read her blog. You might enjoy doing so, too. So, MckMama is hosting this thing called "Not Me Monday." In this thing, participants make a list of those things which they most certainly did NOT do this past week. Those things that nobody does, and even if they did... they'd never share. (**hint: the idea here is to write things that are, in fact, true. You get this hint one time though, so if you start reading next week, you don't get the hint**) Here's mine. 1) I did not lay in bed last night for twenty minutes having visions of waffles with lots of sticky syrup. And after twenty minutes, I most certainly did not get up and make said waffles and eat them. That would be bad for my metabolism. 2) I did not decide that since I was in too much pain to move, I was certainly not moving enough to require showering and skip said shower three days in a row. Nope. Not me. 3) I did not stand and stare at my sleeping husband and laugh at how funny his face looks with a cpap on it. I wouldn't do that, and I certainly wouldn't tell anybody else about it. Although if I did do that, I'd feel compelled to share the fact that with the cpap, he sleeps so much better and already seems to be feeling better overall, after just a few short nights. 4) I absolutely do not waste time. And I also absolutely did not just spend 45 minutes watching grey's anatomy and reading other people's "Not Me Monday" posts. 5) I did not, on multiple occasions, hide the fact that I was in pain from my husband, and then get secretly annoyed when he didn't notice. I'm not that confusing. 6) I did not just spend 72 minutes pushing snooze on my alarm while wondering what the point was in getting up. 7) I did not, on multiple occasions, think "This would be great for 'Not Me Monday' and then promptly forget what 'this' was."