Today

Today, I'm writing regarding Psalm 139. I'm reading it, studying it, letting it reach me. Scripture in red. All from Psalm 139. Starting with verse 1.

(1-4)
O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.

My God knows me. Me. Have you ever considered that? That the God who created the heavens and the earth, set every star in place, and measured the oceans in the palm of His hand, KNOWS me. And He KNOWS you. He knows everything we do. He knows what we're like. He knows our motives. He knows.

(5-6)
You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

He surrounds me. He's before me, He's behind me. His hand is on me. His loving hand. His correcting hand. His guiding hand. His gentle hand. His loving hand. His protecting hand. It's upon me. Me. Flawed, imperfect me. His hand. The hand of God Almighty.

(7-10)
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

The right hand of God will hold me fast. The right hand is the hand of power, of authority. It will hold me. No matter where I go. He's always there. He's never gone. I can never go so far away that He isn't there. In the depths, He's there. When despair, hurt, and anguish overwhelm, He is there, holding me up. When joy, peace, and life flood my being, He is right there with me.

(11-12)
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

Darkness. I have been in the darkest of places. Not just physical places, although I've been deep below the earth in caves. In the darkest hour, when my soul longed for nothing more than death, He was there. Even though despair had clouded my vision and was shielding my eyes from the light ahead, He could see. Darkness is not darkness to Him. He can always see. Even when we can't.

(13-14)
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Regardless of what I think about myself, God made me. He doesn't make mistakes. He made me well. I may not have the body I would like. I may have to struggle for what others take for granted. But He made me. He made me able to see, to hear, to taste. I can walk. I can talk. My mind is quick, my Spirit alive, my soul full.

(15-16)
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

He knew who I'd be. He knew what I'd look like. And every day has been ordained. Every. Single. Day. He has a purpose. Each breath I take, every beat of my heart, has a purpose. He has ordained that I should live.

(17-18)
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.

When I awake. Here on earth, I wake up after going to sleep. I am still here. And so is He. And one day, I will go to sleep. And when I wake, even though I'll be far from this place, I'll still be with Him. What a glorious hope!

Here, I'm skipping past verses 19-22. Not because they're bad or wrong, but because I'm having a hard time relating to them.

(23-24)
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

God will show me the way. He knows every thought. I don't really know my own heart, but He does. And He sees every way in which I'm wrong, and leads me toward what's right. He leads me toward everylasting life.