A temporary new item on top of my blog. For the best viewing, let the song play through once, then refresh your screen. This will sync the images and the sound. I have no idea how to make shockwave cooperate the first time through... so for now, that's all.
Look for a long post tomorrow about this.
I'm giving my blog a new look... I hope you enjoy it. OF course, I reserve the right to change it at will - maybe even within the next 24 hours. Or, like the last "make over," this may last for months.
You see, I don't use anybody else's templates or images or anything - I start from scratch. And that means that I don't necessarily have all the "flashy" stuff that other people have. But this is me, learning. And enjoying my blog life.
I try to update my playlist at least once very month or two - adding at least one song, reshuffling, doing something to make it different. I've been looking for a new, different song to add to the top lately. And this is the one that I identified with this afternoon, as I was searching. It's called "There Will Be a Day" and Jeremy Camp sings it.
First off, I will not be doing a Not Me Monday post this week. Unless of course, I change my mind. But I would never be so fickle. No. Not me.
Wait. I said I wasn't going to do one this week. Oops.
Anyway, to get your fix, head on over to MckMama's blog. She'll have one, as will hundreds of other people. Literally.
Moving on.
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I'd like to ask any of you who read this for prayer. Specifically, regarding jobs. My husband has one, but would like one more suited to his abilities and interests. While I think he does a fine job, and admire his ability to stay kind to angry customers (because almost nobody calls the phone company when they're in a good mood), he apparently is less than satisfied. Don't freak out - he won't quit his current job until he's got one that is even better to replace it with. But, for his sake, I'd really like him to find that better job. And for myself. I don't have one. I've been mostly working on our house, until about mid-November, at which point I was in enough pain that I really got kind of lazy. Now, a month post surgery, I'm feeling pretty great. And I need a job. For money, yes. But it's got just as much to do with sanity and wanting to get out of here a few hours each day.
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Regarding the sudden drop in number of posts:
I've been attempting to limit my "sit and think about things" time. Subsequently, I find myself having less to write about. And that is part of it.
The other part? My heart is just so... full. Of all sorts of things. Concern. Worry (yes, I know I shouldn't worry, but I have been). Sadness. Pain. But also good things... joy. Peace. Hope. Thankfulness.
It's like there's so much in me that I'm having trouble letting any of it out. I don't like to do super-long posts, and I'm not usually a fan of jumping from one thing to another.
Lastly, one of the things most predominantly on my mind is one thing I cannot and will not write about here. It's not that I'm trying to be all secretive. It's that there is privacy to be protected - privacy that is mine, and privacy that belongs to other people.
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I'm trying to become less addicted to reading blogs. Seriously folks... I could easily spend hours reading them. And not just once. And not just once a day. Two or three times. Every day. If I let myself. I am only letting myself check those that are on my "favorites" list (on my computer, not my blogger profile). And those only once a day unless something exciting is being chronicled. Why? Four authors of blogs I read have had a rough go of things lately. Not just "unpleasant" but really hard, tough things. A fifth blog I ended up reading because I read about it somewhere... and it detailed an event so very close to what happened to a friend of mine this fall. A baby nearly died of a complicated case of RSV. Another baby did die. A family with two newly adopted babies from Africa watched their home burn down. A mother has been told that her little girl has brain cancer. Again. And they're out of options. A man has died after a lot of treatment to try and save him following a traumatic brain injury. I found that it was getting to be too much. I was too involved. Yes, "Bloggers are real people, too." But I feel compelled to devote the bulk of my energy and involvement to the people I actually know. You know, from real life. It's not that I don't pray for people I read about here... I do. On my knees, in my basement, late at night. And it's not that I don't care. It's that I only have so much energy, period. And I need to carefully consider where I am using that energy.
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Now, on to happier, lighter subjects.
Today was one of those days where I just felt so special. And unalone. We had church this morning... I got a hug from two people I only see when I'm at church, and they are two very important people. One is Lynn... who has been a voice of reason, of reassurance, and a steadfast presence in my life since I was a sophomore in high school (so for ten years now). The other is my Pastor. I am so amazingly blessed to be part of the church I am. Then, after church, my mother in law gave us money to go out to eat. Giving money is her way of saying "I love you." Seriously folks... I'm pretty sure she could inherit the world and most of it would just flow right through into the lives of people she loves. So I suggested a little place my husband has never been. We were there eating when a family that is so very precious to me walked in. I collected my share of hugs from them. Do you have anybody who just makes you feel... loved... by simply looking at you? I hope so. This family is all that way. Not to mention, they are responsible for introducing me to my church, for transporting me there for months, for being living proof that God is a God of the miraculous. After a yummy lunch, we struck out on our quest for bugs for the saLAManders. We had to stop at Walmart on the way out of the city to pick up a necessity. A family was walking towards us - a mother with two little boys. As they approached, the little boy peeled of and threw his arms around my husband. Then we realized it was Isaiah... an amazingly cute and precious little boy whom we love very much. His mom is a sweet woman, who years ago, I knew through someone else and was just as sweet then.
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Our cats. Are. Crazy. I'm not sure if it's the coldness of the outside air, or if it's the phase of the moon, or if aliens are beaming invisible crazy-rays into our house, but something has gotten into them. They are stealing raw pasta to eat (they love the tortellini I like to keep here). They are using a cardboard box as a fort, in which many fights and spats and cuddles happen, as well as hours of solitary tail-chasing and other random wildness. They are finally grasping the art of running on hardwood, and so they do much thudding around. When you have four cats who all choose the same time to be wired and run through the house as though on fire, it can get pretty noisy. Hilarious, but noisy.
I think that this concludes this evening's post.
Wait. No, it doesn't.
I have a request:
If you read here, and are what's commonly referred to as a "lurker" - meaning you read but never comment - could you leave a comment here? I don't need to know who you are, but I'd like to. I like to know things like that.
Thank you, and God bless.
So, apparently, it's been four days since I posted. Wow. Usually I'm a much "better" blog writer than that.
So what's been up?
Well, on Monday, my husband and I had a sort of impromptu date night. Usually we do that on Friday, but this week, it was Monday. So no writing then.
Tuesday was a long day. Not bad... just long.
Took a few pictures... they are special to me, and I will share one here. One I won't... I'm keeping it to myself for now.
To answer any potential questions... yes, that's snow. Yes, that's a red rose. And yes, that's a gravestone. Ever since last winter, when my grampa showed me what he was ordering for my Gramma's grave, I've been thinking about going out there. Thinking about making the 20 minute drive to see "it." But I haven't wanted to. I was afraid. Afraid it would hurt. Afraid I'd cry. Afraid maybe if I did cry, I wouldn't be able to stop. Afraid that it would be like getting that news all over again.
But it wasn't like that at all. When we pulled up, I scanned the cemetary, looking for it. You see, I'm a little ashamed to admit, but I have only been there two other times since she died. Once for the burial, and once that first Mother's day. There it was... shiny, black. Nobody had been out to the cemetary at all since the latest snow. No foot prints. Just drifting, pure, white snow. Seeing the stone there, so permanent, was somehow... peaceful. It proclaims for every person that sees it... 'But ye must be born again." It's what she'd have wanted. It's who she is. It's who he is. It's who HE is.
I will admit, seeing my grampa's name next to hers was almost like being slapped across the face. I guess somewhere, I knew it would be there. He will be buried next to her, and I knew that. I also knew they'd have one stone. But somehow, I didn't expect his name to already be there. And his date of birth. There's only one date under his name though... only a beginning. I watch him, and I know his heart is still broken. I know he still sits up at night missing her. But his life isn't over yet. He's still just had the beginning, not the ending. And so have I. I've just had a beginning. Sometimes, a quarter of a century sounds long. Sometimes it seems like there's nothing left. But really, I know there's more. So much more. And until I step into eternity, I know I will only have a beginning.
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What, you may ask, is this? Well... this is what happens if the following applies to you:
-You live in a crazy cold place. Like one where your nose literally gets ice inside if you leave the house and take too many breaths.
-The ductwork for your heating system has not all be run and is not connected to anything useful.
-You do your dishes in the bathroom. The bathroom that is on the north side of your house in the freezing place.
-You keep the bathroom door closed, because your dishes are in there. And it's cold, because it faces north.
-You need to somehow get more insulation inside the wall that faces north in the cold bathroom.
-You leave the dish soap on the sink, touching the north wall.
-The temperature of the dish soap reaches its freezing point... whatever that is.
So yeah. Behold... what was once dark blue and transparent, is now light blue, slushy, and very difficult to squeeze out of the bottle.
*I'd recommend not doing this to your dish soap.
And even if all of that did really happen, I for sure wouldn't make my husband, who kindly threw away the envelope, dig the envelope back out of the garbage and put it where we found it just so I could take a picture for my "Not Me Monday" post.
This was a beautiful goose family. At some point between camera being down by my side and being up to my eye, they went from serene and picturesque to all-out hissy fit. 
This one made me laugh not because it's hugely hilarious, but because of how posed and "phony" it looks. I promise you, they really did line themselves up like this.
I'm used to kids and even some adults making funny faces at the camera. But deer?
I'm not sure which is better - ears back and tongue out, or jaw being all crooked. But both are amusing. :)
My beloved posing for his Christmas pictures. Do you have any idea how tempted I was to just use this for our card instead of a picture of both of us?
Not only were these four swans swimming in the northern Mississippi river in January, they also lined them selves up very systematically. And just as I snapped a picture, that eagle in the background caught their attention. And I thought it was funny.
This made me laugh. These two sat on the log together, looking at each other, for quite a while. Five minutes, at least.
Remember my post about being alone in the crowd? Does anybody in this crowd seem... different somehow? Don't ask me what a domestic duck was doing hanging out with a flock of mallards, but there he or she was. And it, like the rest of these, made me laugh.
Do you ever feel that way? Alone? Even though you're in a room full of people? I used to feel that way most of the time. I felt no more connected to the people surrounding me than I do to the people I see on television or read about in a book. And in my day to day life, I see this loneliness in the eyes of people around me. The longing, the pain, the sadness.
I'm not sure how to explain what has changed. I wish I could. I wish I could say, "I did _____ and then it went away." Because if I could say that, then maybe other people would be able to do the same and leave that feeling behind. I can't offer anybody a step by step list for how to accomplish this. I also can't say that I've "arrived." There are still days when I look around myself at so many faces, and I feel so different. So isolated. So alone. But those days are fewer and farther between. So, since there has been improvement, I will do what I can to share with you what has gotten me here.
In 2002, I had a meeting with my Pastor. He told me that I should get a copy of In Him. In the back of this book is a long list of scriptures that talk about who we (those who have received salvation) are in Christ. He told me to get a notebook and dedicate it to my "In Him" study. Each day, I was to look up a few (between two and five) verses from this list, and write them out in first person. So I did.
Here are just a couple examples, to help you "get it."
2 Corinthians 5:21
For my sake He made Christ to be sin Who knew no sin, so that in and through Him I might become endued with, viewed as being in, and an example of the righteousness of God - what I ought to be, approved and acceptable and in right relationship with Him, by His goodness.
Ephesians 1:7-12
Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, His blood poured out on the altar of the Cross, I'm a free person — free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all my misdeeds. And not just barely free, either. Abundantly free! He thought of everything, provided for everything I could possibly need, letting me in on the plans He took such delight in making. He set it all out before me in Christ, a long-range plan in which everything would be brought together and summed up in Him, everything in deepest heaven, everything on planet earth.
It's in Christ that I find out who I am and what I am living for. Long before I first heard of Christ and got my hopes up, He had His eye on me, had designs on me for glorious living, part of the overall purpose He is working out in everything and everyone.
Do you kind of get it?
I know it sounds easy. Simple. Almost like it wouldn't work. But if you do this... write the verses out in first person, and you read them and meditate on them, and say them out loud (Romans 10:17 says "So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God."), it will get into your heart. Into the depths of you. It will help you. Change you. You might not see it right away. You might not see a difference for weeks or even months. But if you stick it out, keep putting it into yourself, change will come.
And once you start to have a grasp on who you are in Christ, your outlook will change. You'll begin to feel like you belong. Like you are part of the biggest, best family ever to exist. Because, really... you are. And that lonely feeling? It might never go away completely this side of heaven. But it will lessen. Both in frequency and intensity.
If you preach, just preach God's Message, nothing else;
if you help, just help, don't take over;
if you teach, stick to your teaching;
if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don't get bossy;
if you're put in charge, don't manipulate;
if you're called to give aid to people in distress,
keep your eyes open and be quick to respond;
if you work with the disadvantaged,
don't let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them.
Keep a smile on your face.
This verse caught my eye today. I was doing one of those random searches that I frequently do on Bible Gateway. This came up. And as I read it, I did some serious thinking. Self-examination, I believe the "technical" term is.
The first thing here is in reference to preaching. I don't preach. I'm not called to it - at least not right now. I can't say God will never place that call on or in me, but for now, it's not there. But at the same time... I realize that what I write here might be construed by some as "preaching." I don't mean or intend it that way, but that doesn't mean nobody reads it as such. So I need to be careful with my words. When I refer to God, or walking with Him, I need to make sure that whatever I say is in His Word. Because what if I say something that's "off" and somewhere, someone reads it as truth and is hurt or suffers because of it?
Next it talks about help. There have been several times when I've clearly been in a position where I can and should help. And when I do that, it can be hard not to just take over. To say, "You don't know how to do this. I do. I'll do it for you." Because that's not helping. That's taking over.
Those are the two parts of this verse I'm focusing on tonight. Perhaps tomorrow I'll keep going. Stay tuned - I've got another post up my sleeve. It may go up tonight, or tomorrow morning. I'm not quite sure yet.
Yesterday, that is.
Nothing bad happened, but neither was I feeling particularly inspired as I sat down to come up with a blog post. It was just... full. A full, exhausting day.
He was usually happy and playful. He loved this big, yellow, fuzzy duck best of all. He was also, like many very young children, not at all inclined to hold still. Many of the pictures I took were like this one: With him technically in the shot, but at a strange and sometimes fun angle.
Sometimes, I'd notice him doing this... sucking on one corner of his lip and looking at something over there. This was often times followed by...
...this look. Whenever he shot me this look of pure innocence over his shoulder, I knew he was up to something he was not supposed to be doing.
When I'd bust him, he'd make this face at me. I was seriously expected to discipline and correct this child, without laughing at his naughtiness. Even though he had giant sparkly brown eyes and an obnoxiously cute fake pout.
Once he figured out that I was going to actually be serious for a moment and make him behave, he'd get mad. Somewhere, somehow, he picked up a goofy habit. Instead of screaming or crying, he'd take a deep breath and blow it out like this. And usually, I'd 
My absolute favorite time was nap time though. He was a snuggler. He'd crawl up in my lap, and lay his warm little head on my shoulder. His hand would creep up and wrap itself in my hair, and his little body would relax in my arms. Sometimes, I'd put him in his crib or playpen, and sometimes we'd lay down together on his futon, but usually, I'd just hold him and stare at the miracle he was.
I was a very cute baby. I'm not a person who looks at myself and sees pretty or cute or attractive, but when I look at my baby shots, I can't help myself. I had so much baby fat, and the cutest little round head, and the biggest dark blue eyes. I was looking at some pictures of me as a little kid. And I was so cute! So, lacking a scanner at the moment, I chose to take pictures of the pictures just so I could share them with you.
Me as a newborn.
Me at somwhere between 4 and 6 months old.
All my fat rolls.
I cut my teeth on corn cobs. Apparently, I really liked them.
Yes. I spent my first birthday covered with Chicken Pox.
My school picture when I was 4, entering preschool.
Hope you enjoyed that - just a brief glimps of me as a young, cute, innocent kid.
I am a Christian. I am a wife. I am a daughter. I am a friend. I have babies in heaven. I take pictures. Love to write. I strive to show compassion.
Derek is also a Christian. He is a husband - to me. An amazing husband. He loves intensely. Laughs freely. He is strong. I am amazed when I consider that he chose ME. I love him. He loves me.
This is my Gramma. Eileen. Of everyone I have ever known, she is the one I desire to be like. She was wildly compassionate. Generous. A woman of integrity. Goofy. Cute. My hero. She is in Heaven.
Bayleigh is intense. She is small. She is beautiful. Sweet. Wild. Mischevious without limits. And she chirps.
Furbis is the epitome of catness. He is handsome. Big. Sweet. Dangerously intelligent. Strong. He breaks things. And talks.
Calliah is special. Furbis chose her. She is sweet. Not very smart. Funny. Pretty. Puts her toys in water. And the more she loves you, the harder she bites.
Izzy is super sweet. She's pretty. Passionate about playing. She licks things. She doesn't talk much. Snuggles a lot. And sleeps on my head.
