Sunday, January 4, 2009

I Have A Reason

Desert Song
~(c) Hillsong

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

You may have noticed there is a new song playing. It's called "Desert Song." Not so much just now, today, but in the not very distant past, the words of this song really struck something inside of me. Knowing the story behind the song - the immense pain, the heartache and grief that the singer was experiencing at the time the song was first released... makes it mean a little bit more to me.

But really, the part that struck me, that resonated with something deep inside?

"All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship"

I do have a reason to sing. I do have a reason to worship. All of the time. Whether my life is going fabulously, or falling apart. There have been several times that I have been truly broken. Not upset. Not at the end of myself. Not desperate. Or at least, not just those things. But broken. Truly, honestly broken.

It's not good to spend all of one's time looking back, contemplating the past. But there are some things that are good to remember. I have been in the place of utter darkness. The place where I wasn't fighting for peace, joy, or hope. I was torn between life and death, two forces waging war within me. In Deuteronomy, the Lord says "I have set before you this day life and death. Choose life." I have done that. I chose life, and when I did, He was there. Welcoming. Loving. Healing.
I have fallen on my knees with tears streaming down my face as I said, "Lord, not my will, but yours be done." I have surrendered the earthly confidence I had, given up that which I had so carefully kept from my King. And it was painful. But He was there. Approving. Comforting.

In the bathroom of a convenience store, I have leaned over a sink as everything around me seemed to be closing in. I have whispered, "Lord, it hurts. How can she be gone? My baby... Lord, my baby. Help me." And He was there. He knows pain. Knows anguish. And He comforts. He does not leave. He is not afraid.

In all of that (and so much more that I just can't share here) He is with me. But the reason I sing? The reason I worship? Because my God, He is God. A faithful God. Who keeps His covenant. And He has promised me that if I believe, if I confess Him as Lord, and if I surrender my life to His Lordship... I will be saved. I do not have to fear death. And I don't have to fear life. I can embrace it, knowig I am redeemed. A blessed, beloved child of the Most High God. And that is why I sing. That is why I worship.

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