Friday, December 12, 2008

Just Music.

It's just music, right? A cheerful song. A happy song. One that is fun to play on the piano. It's one of those where your fingers just seem to know where to go before you even see the notes on the page. It stirs a little melody in your heart, and then the music follows that melody. It's almost like it plays itself.

I first played it fifteen years ago. It's been at least ten since the last time I played it. I don't know that I liked it so much then. But today, when I popped in at a blog I like to read, it was there. The first couple measures are rather non-descript - just the left hand doing little arpeggios. But when the melody started, I froze. Tears formed. The world stopped ever so briefly in its orbit. My heart skipped. Reality faded. I could see my hands. Hands with square-tipped fingers and knobby knuckles. Dancing over the keys of a piano. Those hands shifted a little, and suddenly, they were no longer mine. They were hers. Older. Smaller. Wrinkled. Playing the same notes. A smile on her face as her eyes focused not on the music, but on a distant memory. And then I could see her. At that same piano. So many years ago. Playing those same notes. Young. Vibrant. Alive.

You see, at least for today, this tune is bitter sweet. It seems that as the holidays get closer, I miss her more. And more. Like the world is spinning out of control. I want to scream "STOP!" and make people remember. And then, through a haze of memory tears, God speaks. He assures me that she is well. That she is safe. And that He will never forget her. And, as the cheery, happy notes keep marching on, I cry. Knowing that no matter what I fear, I will never forget her. I may not remember her laugh, I might not be able to hear her voice outside of dreams, but I won't forget.

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