Not Me Monday

Long ago, in a frozen and windy land, a person named MckMama decided to throw a large blog party.  The purpose of the party was to help those who participated have a chance to be honest, telling about those things that they might otherwise try to hide.  In sharing, there was a decrease in guilty feelings and an instant and significant increase in laughter.

So, in honor of this weeks Not Me Monday, here I go.

In the last week, the following things most certainly did not* happen.

I did not spend the entire day Tuesday with the best friend a person could ever ask for, and that best friend's mother.  The purpose of the trip was not to drive a couple hours to see a specialist regarding a not good at all diagnosis, and to receive less-than-good news about her progress (or lack there of).  But if I did do that, I would want you to pray with everything you've got for my friend, Elizabeth.  Specifically, I would want you to pray that medication would begin to be effective, and that the damage to her vision would somehow be reversed.

On that same imaginary trip, I starved.  I did not accompany them to an extraordinarily delicious Mongolian grill, wherein people are allowed to compile their own choice of ingredients, and then surrender them to the "Grill Warriors" who proceed to make steaming hot plates of whatever you want and present them to you straight off the grill.  I did not fail to believe my friend when she said it was really easy to load so much onto a plate that you could only eat one or two at most.  And I did not end up leaving half of my second plate, on the plate.  I haven't been trying to find an excuse to go back ever since, either.

Since I'm on a roll with this imaginary trip I took... after dinner, my friend and I and her mother did not find ourselves at a well known department store, trying out the display beds.  By laying on them.  We did not discover that some refrigerators have "MEAT FISH STORAGE" drawers and find it hilarious.  We did not laugh until tears came out of our eyes as we tried to come with a way to ask why do you have AC adapters inside your display dresser, and what exactly do the DO for said dresser, since we knew we couldn't ask it with a straight face.  We did not marvel at treadmills, we did not sit in lawn chairs, we did not spend 30 minutes in a tiny kitchen store mocking some of the more... unusual devices.  We did not laugh and smile and enjoy our time far more than seems possible on a trip of that location.

Not me.  Not them.  Not us.

I did not work at a Samurai Sword Show for four days.  And while in the car on the way to the show I did not work at, I did not make a phone call to the biggest, most popular news station in that area to inquire whether or not they would be present to do a news piece on the show.  When the man answered, I did not say "Hi, my name is Jenn, and I am calling to see if you will be sending any reporters over to the Schlamurai Swow Shord," or something very similar.  I did not hear the jumble of words and lose the ability to speak while I laughed to myself.  And the reporter who had taken my call did not fall silent for a solid five seconds, and then crack up laughing so hard I suspect he had to lean on something for support just to keep from falling over, and gasp out "Ma'am, I am sorry.  Could you please repeat what you just asked me?  And then tell me what you meant to ask me?"  It did not strike me as so funny that for the rest of the weekend, all I needed was a little reminder and I would laugh until my entire BODY was bright red.  No, not me.  Because I never mix bits and pieces of words together to form various other words.

I also did not consume "schlockett" or blow "Blubblows" as a young child.

I did not consider the idea that I was truly losing my mind as I stood on the 12th floor of the convention center, noticing the floor pulsating and moving beneath my feet and hearing the sounds of loons drifting down the highway.  And I was not relieved when I realized everyone could feel the moving floor, nor was a relieved when I realized that the PA system was responsible for the loon sounds.   All day and all night.  Every day.  And every night.

I did not find it disproportionately funny to be working at a SWORD SHOW, where there really were sharp, shiny, big Samurai swords everywhere, while in the lobby, a large group was meeting to celebrate the beauty of organ donation and get more people to commit to it.  Because asking someone to donate organs while surrounded by signs announcing the presence of hundreds, maybe thousands, of swords and people of the sort that actually enjoy collecting these swords, is not ironic.  Or funny.

I did not know yesterday that I really was starting to feel crummy and I did not wake up this morning with a fever and tonsils swollen so much that they are squished together and glands so sore and swollen that I can't turn my head.  And doing so, and cancelling all plans for the day in order to stay wrapped in a blanket and not move, did not make me wonder what nurses think when you call and cancel a bone scan because you feel too crummy to come in and get tested to see if the bone in your leg is infected.

Lastly, I am not struggling to find things to share for Not Me Monday, because I haven't gotten out of the habit and I also have not had more stress than laughter recently.

*By did not I actually mean they really did.  Just to clarify.  There are probably witnesses willing to testify that all these things that did not happen, actually did happen.