Saturday, April 10, 2010

No Pictures.

Sometimes, I use pictures to tell stories.

But not today.

Today, I'm just going to be real, raw, honest... and tell a story with words only.

Back in January, I cut myself, badly. Deliberately. I know that's a frightening concept, and not something that I would have shared even a few short months ago. But it's t rue, and I did it. I regret it. And life goes on. It got massively infected, was treated with heavy-duty antibiotics, and eventually healed. However...

There has been an issue with fluid building up between the skin and muscle tissue below that cut ever since. I've been successfully draining it here at home, and there was no sign whatsoever of infection. Until Wednesday. Wednesday, I couldn't get it to drain. The fluid kept increasing, pressure building... it looked like I had balloons under my skin. By midnight, it was hot. Red. Had a fever. I emailed my doctor with all pertinent information, and my husband called first thing in the morning for an appointment.

Got to the clinic, the doctor came in and told me he had already called the surgeon and we were basically just waiting on him to come over and take a look. The surgeon informed me that with the damage I had done, the blood supply to my lower leg had been diminished to only one supplying artery. Told me that if I ever damaged that remaining artery, I would lose my leg. Two hours later, I was on my back in the OR breathing through a mask, waiting for them to knock me out. The surgeon removed all of the infected/dead tissue and a large, football-shaped section of skin. Instead of skin, in that spot I now have a wad of yellow gauzy-type stuff which will be removed Tuesday and replaced (I suspect this will be very painful). I really have no idea how long all of this will take to heal - but I'm guessing more than a month.

So why would I share this with you? It doesn't make me look good. Isn't fun. Is actually kind of gross.

But, I share this with you for one reason:

I want you to see God at work. You see, I still have my leg. There are NO circulation issues in my foot, even though it's getting less than half of the blood supply it normally would. I can walk (painful, but doable). God has preserved my leg. And I am thankful, to say the least. My fever has finally cracked, and I'm actually starting to feel "Better" than I have in weeks. To HIIM be all glory and praise for that - the surgeon said not to expect to notice any immediate difference.

I also want to address something I asked my Pastor about. If a wound is self inflicted... can I really ask God to heal me? Do I have any right to expect Him, Creator of the Universe, to do anything about something I've brought completely onto myself?

Short answer - yes. He is a merciful God. It's hard to "stand in faith" for healing in this realm. But it's easy to ask for mercy. Blind Bartameus didn't cry out "Lord, Heal me!" He cried out "Lord, have mercy!" Over and over he cried out, despite a lot of people trying to quiet him down. And Jesus had mercy.

Whatever it is in your life - alcohol, drugs, selfishness, pride, fear, doubt, hate, unforgiveness, bitterness, self injury, or any other thing that you have brought on yourself - you can bring it to Him. You can ask for mercy. Ask for healing . Restoration. Help. and He will. Because He never changes. He knew you'd do whatever it is you've done, before He went to the cross. He knew each mistake you'd make, each willful sin, each shortcoming. And He did it anyway.

So go. Go to the King. Ask for mercy. Ask for forgiveness. Ask for healing and restoration. There is NO condemnation for those of us who are in Christ (see Romans 8:1). We are not condemned to a life of misery. Nobody has to stay in the shape they are now. He is there, anxiously waiting for you to merely ask. So will you?

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