Rescue Me

I'm going to take a moment and be transparent. If you read here often, you'll know that this transparency thing is something I've been working on this past year. Obviously, there are things that should most decidedly not be published for the world to see. Beyond those, there are things that should be even more closely guarded. But there are also times when letting others see our weakness can be of benefit to them. Times when admitting that we don't "have it all together" can do so much to encourage others.

Truth is, I have been struggling for over a year now. With the same things. I really, truthfully cannot share those things here - it wouldn't be prudent, and it wouldn't help anybody to know. But I can share little pieces of the struggle.

I can share that calling it a struggle is sort of like calling a tsunami a wave. Technically true, but an understatement of gargantuan proportions. I think calling it an all out war would be more accurate.

It's been exhausting, mentally, emotionally, physically. And as often happens, that exhaustion has spilled over into my spiritual life. I can't even begin to describe how much I am depending on God's grace right now. Grace, and mercy. And love. Love that has absolutely nothing to do with who I am or what I do, but everything to do with Who He is, and what He has done.

I have good news, though. Recent weeks have seen a turn around during my devotional time. And a turn around in other areas. In some ways, it is as though everything has exploded and there is no way I can keep going. In other ways, it is as though I have never been so utterly dependent on Him, and so thoroughly awestruck by His unfailing, unwavering, unchanging love. There's more battles to be fought. I don't know how many, or for how long. I don't know what victory will entail. But I do know that He is faithful.

And days like this, days when I am desperate for Him, when I am at the end of myself, I can relate to Peter. I feel like I've stepped out of the boat in the midst of the storm. I've just walked across water, and it is an amazing, incredible feeling. And now, having taken my eyes off of Him for just a moment to consider the storm raging around me, I am sinking. I am realizing that I just cannot do this on my own. There is no way. And like Peter, I don't have the time or the energy to come up with an eloquent prayer that will be passed down for generations to come. Tonight, Peter's prayer is my prayer.

"Lord, rescue me."

Selah is one of my favorite groups. Not because of their impressive stage presence or deeply profound lyrics. It's their genuine faith and desire to honor and glorify God that attracts me. But I would be lying if I didn't say that one particular song of theirs struck something inside of me tonight. I've added the lyrics to the end of this post, and put the song itself at the top of my playlist for now. You can open my playlist and listen to music while you browse by clicking on the "Music" link in the column on the right.

Rescue Me
(C) Selah

Deep is the river that I have to cross
Heavy the weight on my shoulder
I have discovered how great is the cost
Of trying alone to cross over
I try and I try but the current's too strong
It's pulling me under and my strength is gone
Don't leave me stranded

Rescue me, my God and my King
The waters are rising and I cannot breathe
Wrap your arms all around me and
Carry me over
Rescue me
Carry me over

There is a bridge that is easy to cross
While all of our burdens are lifted
Peace is the land that is waiting for us
Lord give me faith to believe it
Cause I'm in a storm but I'm willing to fight
I'll overcome and I will not die
With You by my side

Rescue me, my God and my King
The waters are rising and I cannot breathe
Wrap your arms all around me and
Carry me over
Rescue me
Carry me over

I will sail over the oceans and
High over the mountains and
Soar up to the heavens
Here is my hand
Is my heart and my soul and my mind

Rescue me, my God and my King
The waters are rising and I cannot breathe
Wrap Your arms all around me and
Carry me over
Rescue me, my God and my King
You are the only one who can save me
Wrap your arms all around me and
Carry me over
Rescue me