Sunday, April 26, 2009

On Friendship.

Today, something is on my mind. It's been there since Thursday, actually. You see, Thursday I sat and talked with a friend of mine. I had recently appologized for being such a lousy friend. And in my own eyes, I've been exactly that. Going months without calling, writing, or even sending an e-mail. I guess that wouldn't be so bad... if it weren't for the fact that I think of this person, and pray for this person, almost every day. And still don't keep in touch.

But on Thursday, he asked me something... he wanted to know why that makes me a bad friend. My first thought was "because friends need to keep in touch all the time." Then I thought "because you deserve better." "Because friends can talk to eachother about anything." I said those things.

His reply?

If two people are truly friends, it's okay to go months without talking. Because when you do talk, it's like no time passed at all. You don't need words to know that when it comes down to it, you are there for one another. And your loyalty is not dependent on or in need of constant reinforcement.

I've thought about that often in the past days. I've also thought about something else he said once. "You know it's a good friendship when you can spend an hour walking side by side, and not say a word, and you feel as much companionship and comraderie as you've ever felt while talking with someone else."

And truthfully? Words aren't always needed. My very best friend growing up never spoke to me. Ever. Not "she was quiet" but "she did not speak." She was a selective mute. Until Derek (my husband), I have never known such a devoted, unwavering, loyal, amazing friend. She didn't need words to show it. She just... had it inside, and let it show with everything she did. Her actions, her demeanor, her eyes.

Shifting gears just a little... there are people I could talk with for hours and hours. Because we have so much that we could talk about. And in spite of that, I wouldn't call them "friend."

So who do I consider "friend?" Very few people. Very few indeed. A friend, to me, is one who sticks closer than a brother. One who is loyal. Someone I can trust. Someone I would unquestioningly support. A life to which I have an unyielding connection. Someone I can go six months or a year, or even more, without contact. And then, when we do find ourselves together, or talking, it isn't ackward. It's not uncomfortable or strange.

And for now, that's all. More later this week, perhaps.

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