Safe In The Arms of God.

I've been missing our little girl. It's a strange concept... how does a person miss someone they've never met? How can my arms ache for her, having never held her? How does our house seem to be unnaturally silent, when her feet have never pattered across our floor? And yet... it's true. She really was here, inside of me. For fourteen wonderful weeks. I really had the joy of feeling tiny, almost imperceptable movements that were not of my own body. I've thought often of that... those movements. I've known a few pregnant women who said they felt their babies at about 11 or 12 weeks, so I know it's not impossible. I also know it's unusual for a first-time mother to do so. I am thankful for that gift. The thrill of that tiny life.

Right now, the first two songs that play on my blog are for her. The first, Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, is obvioius. It makes sense that that song would make me think of my little girl who isn't here right now. The second? It is a song from a father to his daughter. The name of the song is also the name of the little girl for whom it was written. Anna. And that's her name... Anna. Annaliah, actually. But we would have called her just "Anna."

This was posted on a blog I frequent. It is a woman who lost her twin baby boys when they were born at barely 23 weeks. She is understandably struggling this holiday season, missing her beautiful Blake and Ethan. I have sensed a strength in her though, as I read, and that is why I keep going back. I know that right now, she doesn't feel strong. And she isn't sure she even wants to keep going. I think she will, though. I think she'll still be a beautiful, God-loving woman this time next year. Her friend sent this to her:

Heaven is a place of perfect knowledge, perfect maturity, and perfect love. What good news this is! A person whom you conceived is perfect, whole, and forever praising God. A person whom you conceived is before the throne of God. A person whom God created using the genetic material from you and your child's other parent is standing before the Lord in the fullness of his or her life. If you have accepted Jesus as your Savior, you will be united with that child one day, and together will praise the Lord though all eternity.

~ Safe in the Arms of God