Sometimes...

Sometimes, I read my old posts and wonder what happened. Not as in "What was I thinking then?" but "Why am I not thinking that now?"

It is so easy, living in this world, to get distracted. Discouraged. Heavy hearted. Downtrodden. It is easy to lay down at night, and have your final thought before sleep be "I really should have read my Bible today..."

It is easy to get caught up in complaining, whining, bickering. It is easy to want to just "fit in" for a while. It is easy to let go of hope and embrace pessimism.

It is easy to beat myself up. To think my faith is too weak, I need more discipline, I've failed yet again. It is easy to feel like I'm not really saved at all, but just pretending. I don't usually write about these things - not because I want to hide them, but because when I sit down to write here, my brain shifts into "Bible-Girl-Mode." I can't help but think of all the good things God has done. Of how awesome He really is. About the ways He has been touching me, personally. So, before I went any further, I wanted to let all of my readers (all... um... 3? of them) know that I'm not any more perfect or struggle-free than anybody else I know.

I don't have any commentary today, just a passage that I read when I find myself questioning what He really thinks about me, what He'd really want for me.

In it, Jesus is praying to God the Father. He just finished praying specifically for His disciples, and is now praying for "all who will believe in him through their message." That "all" includes me. If you believe, it includes you, too.

John 17:20-26

"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

Father, I want those you have given me to be where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.

Righteous father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them."