Thursday, December 17, 2009

Dream Come True

I've heard it said that every mother wishes she could shield her child from all pain, wishes she could provide the "perfect" home to grow up in. Wishes her child would never know anything negative at all.

May of 2006, I was dreaming of such a life for my child. I didn't want her to suffer, didn't want her to hurt. Didn't want her to know grief or pain or hunger. I longed for her to be raised, and to grow, in perfection. My dreams were so... common, really.

But then, that dream came true.

My child has not known pain. She has not lost loved ones. She has not cried out in darkness. She has never been ill, and has never been alone. Her life is absolutely perfect. She is absolutely perfect.

And for that, I rejoice.

But for me? For me... it almost makes me cry. You see, I have never held my child while she cries. I've never heard her giggle. Never seen disappointment in her eyes or listened to squeals of joy. I've never stayed up through the night while she fights illness, and I've never woken up with her beside me. Derek and I don't know what it is like to have a child in our home. We've never seen our own flesh and blood combined. No maple syrup kisses, no silly jokes, no presents under a tree.

It's a dream come true... but today, just today, I almost wish it wasn't.

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1 comment:

Sailor and Co said...

psalm 34:18
He is close to you.
I am so sorry for your pain.