Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Psalm 6

Tonight, I am back to the sixth Psalm. As I mentioned before, I have been given an assignment of sorts. An assignment to focus on the relationship David has with His God. More specifically, to focus on his emotions and how they play into that relationship. I'm trusting the Holy Spirit to reveal to me the character and nature of God, and to help me as I relate to Him.

I've actually been in the sixth Psalm since Saturday. I've labored over whether to post it or not. My conclusion? Share some things, in hopes that it will help or bless those who read. Because really, I don't have anything to prove. That's not the point of this assignment - right or wrong. The point is to grow. To learn. To develop.

My words aren't annointed or inspired. They are simply... me. And as my Pastor has shared, life is life for everyone. And since that is true, I want to share a bit of mine.

Verse 1: O Lord, rebuke me not in Your anger nor discipline and chasten me in Your hot displeasure.

I'm struggling to relate to this emotion. You see, I'm blessed in the realm of discipline, chastening, and rebuking. Not blessed as in able to do them all very well. But blessed in that I've learned that these things, when done according to their actual purpose, are done out of love. I sort of "got it" after being on the receiving end several times. But I really got that when I had the awesome privelage of being a nanny for an amazing little boy. As he grew, so did the love I had for him. When he got old enough to start making rational choices, I found myself rebuking him. Correcting. Chastening. And you know what? I did it purely out of love. Because I loved him too much to let him continue on in error.

Even so, I can relate, a little, to the emotion that David may have felt here. Because, love or not, being rebuked is never fun at the time. And there is still that tiny, almost non-existant pretty big part of me that doesn't want anybody to know about any of my faults. And for rebuking, chastening, or correcting... my faults need to be known.

Verses 2 and 3: Have mercy on me and be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am weak (faint and withered away); O Lord, heal me, for my bones are troubled. My [inner] self [as well as my body] is also exceedingly disturbed and troubled. But You, O Lord, how long [until You return and speak peace to me]?

These two verses? I get these. I've been weak. So weak that I despaired for my life. Emotionally empty and drained. And when that happened, my body suffered for it. It was truly as if my very bones were troubled. This emotion... dispair, desperation, fear, and just a tiny sliver of hope... a tiny sliver that says maybe it could be better. A tiny sliver that gives us the courage to cry out to God.

Verse 4: Return [to my relief], O Lord, deliver my life; save me for the sake of Your steadfast love and mercy.

I've prayed for this. I've prayed that God would come in, and change my heart. That He would change my life. Deliver me. Not because I deserve it - truth be told, none of us do. I don't know all the sins of anybody - except for me. I know what I do. I know what I say, what I think. I know my intentions and secret thoughts. And in light of those, I am desperately dependent on God's steadfast love and mercy. Without it, I am entirely without hope. And with it? Well... you get the idea.

I'm going to skip over verse 5, since I have nothing to say about it. But you can read it - in any Bible.

For tonight, I'm ending with verses 6 and 7.

I am weary with my groaning; all night I soak my pillow with tears, I drench my couch with my weeping. My eye grows dim because of grief; it grows old because of all my enemies.

Have you ever been in there? Has the light of dawn ever illuminated your pillow, revealing the wetness of countless tears? Have you ever spent an entire night so distraught that you were unable to sleep at all?

I have. This is what David is talking about. True sorrow. True grief. Heartbreak. I've been there. I suspect, if you've been living life very long at all, you have too. The thing I am taking from this passage tonight, and applying to my own life, is this:

I do not have to hide my sorrow, my tears, my pain, from God. I can pour them out to Him. It's appropriate. Acceptable. And when I am overwhelmed? When my vision truly grows dim with sorrow? Call out to Him. Here, David is our example.

What have you learned from this passage? Does it strike a chord somewhere in you? It may be (in fact, it probably is) that you get something so very different from what I got. I'd love to hear. Leave a comment on this post, or you can use the link on the right hand side of the page. All comments on this blog are moderated, so if you'd prefer to keep the comment just between us, just say so and I will respect that.

Good night, and God bless.

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