Monday, April 9, 2007


I feel like I'm living one endless charade. One where what I'm portraying is someone who's doing very well, and has it together, is happy, is okay. Yes, in some ways, I AM doing very well, and I DO hold it together... And there are moments of happiness... and I'm sort of okay. But really, I miss her so much. And I feel like I should be okay now - or at least be better than I am. Be happy. I feel like I shouldn't be crying when nobody is looking. I feel like I shouldn't spend so very much time thinking about her. And yet... none of it is so. I ache inside. It's like everything good is tempered with sorrow. Yesterday, we had an Easter celebration at my uncle's house. It was good to see everyone, but I felt like it was an empty imitation of what it used to be like. And that's not right - not even close. The true meaning, which is Jesus, is still the same.

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