I feel like it's best for others if I am strong. If I am courageous, and don't let my grief come out. If I smile, laugh, and speak of things like faith and hope. If I constantly remind them that this isn't good-bye forever, but rather just for a little while. But what I want is to cry. I want to scream. I want people to comfort me - not by saying "It's okay" or "You'll be fine" or "Hang in there" but by saying, "Yes, this hurts. You've just lost the most amazing person you knew. I am so sorry." And maybe by hugging me, or handing me Kleenex.
But no matter what I do, it's not best for someone. So the real question is how do I do what's best for you, and what's best for my family, and for those I love, and still make sure that I'm okay?
I am a Christian. I am a wife. I am a daughter. I am a friend. I have babies in heaven. I take pictures. Love to write. I strive to show compassion.
Derek is also a Christian. He is a husband - to me. An amazing husband. He loves intensely. Laughs freely. He is strong. I am amazed when I consider that he chose ME. I love him. He loves me.
This is my Gramma. Eileen. Of everyone I have ever known, she is the one I desire to be like. She was wildly compassionate. Generous. A woman of integrity. Goofy. Cute. My hero. She is in Heaven.
Bayleigh is intense. She is small. She is beautiful. Sweet. Wild. Mischevious without limits. And she chirps.
Furbis is the epitome of catness. He is handsome. Big. Sweet. Dangerously intelligent. Strong. He breaks things. And talks.
Calliah is special. Furbis chose her. She is sweet. Not very smart. Funny. Pretty. Puts her toys in water. And the more she loves you, the harder she bites.
Izzy is super sweet. She's pretty. Passionate about playing. She licks things. She doesn't talk much. Snuggles a lot. And sleeps on my head.
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