Monday, May 10, 2010

Lest You Doubt

Lest you doubt the advisability of my last Slurpy venture... when I spoke with the nurse today, she said that as long as I changed things out, and not the ER, then it was fine and I was good to go.


I NEVER have to feel the feeling of that stupid sponge ripping away from my muscle again. EVER. I'll be asleep when they do it tomorrow, and then... home free.


Tonight, the eve of my "lower extremity reconstruction," I am finding myself surprised. Because I am not nervous, afraid, angry, or feeling guilty (since it originally started with self harm). I am feeling sad. Incredibly, amazingly sad and I hate it. I am not very good at emotions. Usually, I block them out and try not to feel them. My therapist says I'm supposed to knock that off though, so I guess I have to just... well, feel sad.

And wonder why.

There's the obvious Mother's Day thing, but I don't think that's it. Hmm....

Now it is off with me to have an almost-midnight snack (10 chicken nuggets, lots of mac and cheese, and some corn) true to pre-op tradition. :) Or should I say :*(

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