Monday, May 11, 2009


Today, I've got just a bunch of random thoughts. But together, they make a post. Because I say so. :)


First off... about four months ago - maybe a little longer - I started noticing my heart doing this wierd thing. It felt almost like it was beating twice for every pulse that I could feel in my wrist. And it hurt a little. And made it a little harder to breathe. And made me a little dizzy. But it would last for just a matter of minutes before it would go back to normal. Then, in February, I picked up some virus and it did the wierd sensation thing - and my pulse hovered around 160 for 8 days. Just when I decided it was time to say something and maybe get checked out, it stopped. Well, not stopped - it kept on beating. But normally. At like 60-65 beats a minute. Except for sometimes, when it would feel all wierd and jump up to somewhere between 140 and 160. One night I woke in the middle of the night and it was up to 176. And stayed there for over an hour. Then, for days afterward, it plugged along at a boring 60. With, of course, intermittent episodes where it would beat considerably faster and feel "strange" and even hurt a bit.

About two weeks ago, it started doing it. Four days later, I was SO tired (it's really hard to sleep when your heart feels like it's going to beat its way straight out of your chest) and had somehow managed to get really dehydrated. I went in, they noted my heart rate was abnormally high and not completely regular, but attributed it to the dehydration. Pumped me full of fluids, got my kidneys doing their thing (that's blog-appropriate code for really, really having. to. go. to. the. bathroom. Now.). Heart didn't slow, but they figured it would over the weekend.

Monday, I was ready to tear my hair out, or resort to some other form of acting as frustrated and tired as I felt. Went back to the doctor, who measured my resting, reclined, deep-breathing-relaxed pulse at 124. Thought it was odd... did an ekg, ran some blood panels. Nothing hugely significant in either one. Pulse dropped... to 116. Hmm. Not exactly what we were after. Doc suggested maybe it was anxiety, and wanted to know if I'd be willing to try Xanax. Now, I've heard some great stuff about Xanax. And as I told the doctor, I'm fine with taking it... but... near as I can tell, I am walking around a lot less anxious than most people I know and I don't think it requires thought, nevermind action. After a bit more thought, he prescribed a beta blocker/anti-arrhythmic. Started out taking 1/2 pill twice a day. Got bumped up to a full pill after a couple days sort of controlled it. Added another dose in there on Friday. Today, I can tell you... it feels so nice to not feel my heart beating.

So yeah. That's that.

Other news? Our home. I say that with a certain amount of... well, hesitation. Because it's not ours. And if we don't get loan stuff figured out this month, it won't be. But my God? He is God. A faithful God. And I trust Him. He loves me. I know that. And so, I won't say any more. But if you are the praying sort... pray that He'd make His answer, His provision really obvious.

Hmm... what else?

I'm still plugging away at my uber-big spreadsheet that encompasses the DSM-IV-TR. And I am learning so much, and loving doing it.

Other randomness... This is the first spring in years that I haven't spent most of outside. It's been strange, adapting to the whole concept of working full-time in a call center. It's nice, as far as call centers go, but definitely not "me." But that's okay... because I have a job. A good one, even. I won't complain.

Suddenly, my very full mind is very not-so-full. Away with me.

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