Silence Subdued.

I am a pretender. When I'm at my weakest, I try my hardest to appear strong. When I am afraid, I act brave. When I'm broken, I put on an air of wholeness. When something shakes me, I harden my face and appear unmoved.


I write this about me, but it could be anyone. Even you.


I do not know why I pretend. It is not as if the world will fall apart if I choose to reveal my flaws. It is not as if I can actually do anything outside of the One who created all. I have been blessed, encouraged, and helped by others who choose to stop pretending. I have comforted others when they allowed their brokenness and sorrow to show.


And still, I pretend. In silence, I live a secret life. A life where I am not as steady as the world might think. I don't give voice to secret concerns, fears, shame. I hide it. I pretend. Silence wins.


But. And this but is important. I sometimes stop pretending. Sometimes, I subdue the silence. I use the voice God gave me and I say "Help." I say "How?" I say "Jesus..." And help comes. Instruction comes. Comfort comes. But not until the silence is subdued.