Deepest Pain

This morning, I had knee surgery. A little later in the day, my grandma had physical therapy. They left my house this afternoon, and took a short trip to look at eagles on the river (it's just thick with them right now). Gramma counted 31 Bald eagles in one spot. Then they went home - or at least tried to. They were involved in a head-on collision with an oncoming milk truck. Grampa was seriously injured - several bones in his face broke, including his jaw. His arm is broke. His chest hurts. He is in ICU right now. Gramma was killed.

Meaning I have to live the rest of my earthly life without my best friend (after Derek). There was so much love that I had for her - and still is. And there is so very much pain at her loss. And Grampa is blaming himself for the accident. And saying he has been living for her for so long and now he's not so sure he can keep going.

Derek and I have discussed, and when Grampa is released to go home, I'm going with him, at least for a while. We'll be finding a larger home this summer, and we will maybe ask Grampa to come live with us (if he wants to). I can't even fathom having my spouse die less than 2 feet away from me, not getting to say good bye, not getting to tell her he loved her one last time.

A lesson... If you love someone, it should be the last thing they hear from you when they're on their way out. Hug them, cherish them. And let them know.

Our only consolation is that she is in heaven now. That doesn't make the loss less significant, doesn't make it easy to be happy. But it does enable us to have the hope of seeing her again.