Rewind.

Do you ever think that you're going through a "rough patch" in life?  One of those times where it's not terrible, but you certainly look forward to when things get better?

Have you ever been thinking that and found yourself, just days later, desperately wanting to push rewind, to go back to that "rough patch" because it was so much better than where you are now?

Me too.

It's not my place to say why, and it's probably not even my place to be as impacted as I am.  But tonight, I sit with tears running down my face (they have been for a couple days now), wishing with everything in me that I knew what to do, what to say... how to be... how to make sure I don't mess this up.  Because it's not about me at all... and yet, I am part of it, in a way.   A helpless, confused, sad, angry part.

I'll be fine.  I really will.  Because it's really not about me.  It's about someone else entirely... and while I've learned how to deal with bad things in my own life, how to handle the unknown and how to be patient and remain hopeful and enjoy life no matter what is going on... I haven't learned how to be the "okay outsider."  And I desperately, desperately want to do exactly the right things, say exactly the right things... but I don't know if there are any words or actions that are "right."

Rewind, please.  Go back to 2010.  June.  Let me start from there, please.  Let us all start from there.  Because there's a lot I would do differently, if I had known then what I know now.