Today, I was caught when I read verse seven of Psalm 4. But the joy that you have given me... joy. It's not so much an emotion... but in some ways, it is. It's that calm, unshakable assurance. It's not based on how it feels... but it does feel good. So... I kept going, with that joy in the back of my mind (or in the front... or where ever thoughts go when they're almost the focus of your attention). When I lie down, I go to sleep in peace.
Can I be real for just a minute? Not that I make a habit of being fake when I write here, but I don't always let you (readers) see my struggles. Sleep is the one activity in life I struggle most with. I've seen doctors, talked to helpful, well meaning people. Taken medication, tried all manner of natural "sleep aids" and "sleep enhancers." Developed a bedtime routine. Learned to keep my mind carefully in check. And the truth? Tonight, when I do fall asleep, it will be with the assistance of the two little pills I just swallowed. I don't like that. I would prefer not to admit that I need that help. But, it's true whether I admit it or not.
And if I were to lie down, with no medication, and I were to sleep all night? Well, I would definitely relate to the joy that David is talking about here. There have been brief seasons in my life where sleep has come easily. Read these two verses with me.
Psalm 4:7,8
But the joy that you have given me is more than they will ever have with all their grain and wine. When I lie down, I go to sleep in peace; you alone, O LORD, keep me perfectly safe.
He keeps me safe. Perfectly safe. Not mostly safe. Not almost safe. But perfectly safe. Because of Him, the Almighty King, I can do what Psalm 4:9 says.
Psalm 4:8, CEV:
I can lie down and sleep soundly because you, LORD, will keep me safe.
Tonight, this is what I'm saying. I may not actually believe it the way I should. My faith may be shakey, and I may be fighting thoughts of "yeah, but..." I may have just swallowed two little pills, and it may be that I feel guilty for even needing that. But I'm growing. God loves me too much to leave me the same. And so, I will say tonight...
I can lie down and sleep soundly, because my GOD will keep me safe.
I am a Christian. I am a wife. I am a daughter. I am a friend. I have babies in heaven. I take pictures. Love to write. I strive to show compassion.
Derek is also a Christian. He is a husband - to me. An amazing husband. He loves intensely. Laughs freely. He is strong. I am amazed when I consider that he chose ME. I love him. He loves me.
This is my Gramma. Eileen. Of everyone I have ever known, she is the one I desire to be like. She was wildly compassionate. Generous. A woman of integrity. Goofy. Cute. My hero. She is in Heaven.
Bayleigh is intense. She is small. She is beautiful. Sweet. Wild. Mischevious without limits. And she chirps.
Furbis is the epitome of catness. He is handsome. Big. Sweet. Dangerously intelligent. Strong. He breaks things. And talks.
Calliah is special. Furbis chose her. She is sweet. Not very smart. Funny. Pretty. Puts her toys in water. And the more she loves you, the harder she bites.
Izzy is super sweet. She's pretty. Passionate about playing. She licks things. She doesn't talk much. Snuggles a lot. And sleeps on my head.
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